Unravel Cancer: Experiences with family battling cancer: Change

20 July 2009

23:10 Change

It happens whether you want it to or not, gosh darnit.

There's no way to come through caring for a parent while they are going through chemo & radiation, without being changed. In the case of my sister-in-law, she has changed to a very controlling person, struggling with the fear of raising two children alone when my brother dies.

In the case of me, it's unclear as to what I've changed to. But, one thing's for sure, I can never go back.

A near-term change has been that my bubbly, sparkly, witty personality is dampened. There's a cloak of grief, or sadness, or some such medley of raw & heavy emotions hanging on me. I don't have the same energy I normally possess, and I'm not laughing, giggling, and smiling with my roommate. She's my best friend, and we've known each other for many years. We only became roommates recently, in March. It was a week after I moved that my mom had a seizure resulting from her brain tumor.

Needless to say, I've only spent about 8 weeks in my apartment since then, what with all the surgeries, treatments, plus work events, conferences, etc.

Through it all my roommate has been there with me, holding my hand, offering a shoulder to cry on. Now, things are different. I've changed, and maybe for the worse. But, also, I'm sensing she's struggling to know how to deal with me because my reactions, words, moods, etc. are different than before. I've changed, it's that simple.

Part of the change is realizing what's important in life - friends, family, enjoying oneself. But, it's also wanting a community and a solid group of reliable folks around you for when times get tough, like now. It's wanting someone to ask you how your day went first, instead of you always asking them. My perspective on life has changed, which may be something my roommate is picking up on.

Whatever the change is, it'll take time for us to acknowledge it in the friendship, and envelop it into the mix, like folding egg whites into a souffle.

There's a lot more about the dynamic that's unfolding in my head, but I'm pretty exhausted and need to stop.

But, one thing's true: change happens, like death & taxes. It's unavoidable.

Breathe.

I'm a 30-something professional woman who's mother & brother were both diagnosed with Grade 3 Astrocytoma tumors within about a week of each other. My mother's tumor is in her brain, and my brother's tumor is in his spinal cord, causing him to lose feeling in his arms & legs. These writings are about my experiences dealing with them, coping, loving them, loving myself, and living my life knowing that they are both dying. I hope you find inspiration and courage from my writings to help you get through whatever is going on in your life.

Lady Vroom

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