Unravel Cancer: Experiences with family battling cancer: Other

09 April 2010

01:49 Other

Been meaning to write about this for some time, but have had very little free time lately.

A few weeks back I met a guy through a mutual friend. He's a climber & a skier, a double-word score. So, I really wanted to meet him to see if he was as nice & wonderful as my pal said he was.

In the course of our first climbing date, the story of my family's cancer last year came up. He was visbily irritated. When I asked about his experiences with things like this, he launched into his personal saga about his uncle dying of a brain tumor, stage 4, several years ago.

It was touching that he opened up like this, and it was wonderful, albeit a kind of bummer, to hear his story. Towards the end, we talked about how we had each coped, etc. I told him about this blog, and also about other blogs I had read where people were dwelling in the pain & suffering & grief quite heavily. I explained to this person that I had to stop reading those because it kept me wallowing in the emotional mire, instead of moving on with my life. I told him how happiness was a choice every day, and that I wanted to choose happiness, instead of reading blogs that would influence me to choose unhappiness.

His reaction was certainly unexpected. "Well, there was nothing happy about my uncle dying. I couldn't find anything good that came out if it," he gruffed. Wah - I felt bad. It seemed like I stepped on his toes. But, later I realized I shouldn't have apologized. At the end of the day, there was no harm being done, and his reaction was about his own unresolved grief.

But, what it did teach me was to maybe keep my opinions to myself more. Everybody goes through a family tragedy like death by cancer differently. No one person has the same experience & emotional process as another. So, I realized that I was being pushy & opinionated (as usual), without being more compassionate that his experience might be different.

I let the moment go, and moved on, and continued to have a nice time climbing. But, it dawned me how lucky I am to be walking a spiritual path. By tapping into a power greater than me, these tragic family events have lost a lot of charge. I've come to accept mortality much better, both my brother's, my mom's, and my own.

Yet another wonderful lesson in humility and compassion. Again, I felt grateful for cancer entering into my life, for it's given me an opportunity to grow in ways I never imagined.

Labels: cancer, cancer survivor, compassion, opinions, rock climbing

Breathe.

I'm a 30-something professional woman who's mother & brother were both diagnosed with Grade 3 Astrocytoma tumors within about a week of each other. My mother's tumor is in her brain, and my brother's tumor is in his spinal cord, causing him to lose feeling in his arms & legs. These writings are about my experiences dealing with them, coping, loving them, loving myself, and living my life knowing that they are both dying. I hope you find inspiration and courage from my writings to help you get through whatever is going on in your life.