Unravel Cancer: Experiences with family battling cancer: Mexico: the easy side

02 June 2010

00:24 Mexico: the easy side

The good part about being with my mom in Mexico, was everybody rushed to our aid. They saw me & my aunt struggling to get Mom in & out of the car, and ran to help us. Mexican culture is all about family, and being respectful to elders.

Along the way, many wonderful people got to know us, because of the way we stuck together & helped Mom along the way. The sing-along salsa dance teacher at the spa, was greatly touched by watching me help mom in & out of her chair, and help serve her food to her, for the mealtimes. This lovely gal had such a sparkling personality!

She came to the spa to do some evening programs: a singalong (she can play the guitar), and salsa dance classes. I went to one of the salsa classes, and had such a blast! It was the first time I felt I could cut loose during the holiday. Sometimes when a person is with their family, it's hard to just "be yourself". My friends back home know me in a different way than my family. My family doesn't always get my sense of humor, or my twisted view on life.

I digress.

The salsa lady really took to my mom, and showered her with love & support. It was truly amazing. I also got to see the subtly of Mexican culture. This gal only entered our space a little at a time. After I attended the salsa class, the next day she had more recourse to talk to us directly. That's when it all started.

The following week, when we were in Guadalajara, she took us to a great restaurant with old bull fighting memorabilia everywhere. We met her daughter, her granddaughter, and had a lovely time. At one point, she began to talk about her own life. She revealed that 8 years prior, she had a stroke, and her 17 year old daughter had to care for her. She was in a wheelchair, and doctors said she wouldn't walk again. It was the most devastating thing to a life-long dancer like her. She had practiced classical dance as a young girl, then moved into Argentine Tango, as a young lady. There was no way this dancer would accept that fate.

It took her more than a year to fully recover. She still has some loss of feeling in her right leg. So, she had to switch rhythms to salsa, in order to accommodate her limitation. Talk about determination! Her story awed all of us at the table. No wonder she was attracted Mom and I .

We had a wonderful bonding that night. A few days later, lovely the Guadalajaran lady, Mom and I went to brunch on our own. The restaurant was in an old part of GDL, behind the Teatro Degollado, called El Rincon del Diablo. It is the building on the right side of the alley. Our friend said the legend was the restaurant we were in was a family home. The couple living there lead a bohemian life, before their time, in the early 1800s. The father apparently "loaned" out his daughter to various nefarious dudes around town, to secure favors. One day, unknowing innocents were invited to one of the infamous parties the couple had in the home. There, they swore they saw the daughter dancing with the devil!

Despite the history, we had a beautiful conversation about strength, recovery, faith, and the power of love to heal. She too, recognized my mom's tendency to beat herself, be too hard on herself. Turning over one's situation to God came up several times in the conversation. My hope was that this chat would help Mom to be more in the moment, and less hyperfocussed on her body & the cancer.

But, later in the week, the lovely lady's daughter reminded me that I have no idea what it's like to go through a physical debilitation like her mom did, or my mom is now experiencing. It's true - I can haughtily think I know what's best for my mom, or what she should or shouldn't do emotionally, but truly I have no clue. Maybe my mom's self-flagellation is what is keeping her going. Maybe her pushing hard on herself is what's causing her not to give up.

Meanwhile, before Guadalajara, we met a lovely driver, who took us around almost all of Lake Chapala. We met him through the generosity of the son of the owner, who was minding the La Nueva Posada while papa was out on business.

The driver took great pleasure in carting us around, and in seeing us all together as a family. Mom sat in the front seat, because of her limited ability to get in & out of a mini-van, and chatted his ear off the whole time. She asked him all about the climate, the housing prices, the quality of life, the relationships between locals and ex-pats, etc. ad infinetum. It was really nice to see her enjoying the company of our driver, and getting out of her head enough to experience a new person.

The driver seemed genuinely happy to chat with Mom. He was superbly helpful getting her in & out of the car, and assisting her to the table for lunch, etc. As soon as Mom was tired, he immediately started heading back to the hotel.

Notable stops included the pier at Jocotepec, corn husk artisans in San Nicholas, a stunning sunset & dusk outside Poncitlan, and excellent food San Luis Soyatlan.

After dropping off Mom for her nap, we continued on to Chapala City, and beyond. The driver was so eager to take us around the entire lake. The last place we stopped was some hieroglyphs on some boulders on the side of the road, near the last town before the road ended, Poncitlan. It's a shame they weren't covered, because they were amazing! Swirls, figures, lines, oblong shapes - all sorts of stuff piled on around each other. Some of the carvings seemed newer than others, making it seem like several generations or incarnations of ancient peoples used the same sacred spot.

The part that hit home was, as we were driving back to the hotel, our driver said, "I don't mind driving you for extra time. Driving you ladies around is like driving my own family." What a complement!

The same driver drove us to Guadalajara, and truly became teary-eyed when Mom got out of the car & was ready to leave. He had told us of his own mother's suffering with a brain tumor, and how she passed s few years prior. It still amazes me how everywhere we go, we meet people touched by cancer.

Later that week, the last night in GDL, I went salsa dancing with our friend's daughter. We had such a blast! We shut the place down, of course. The club was called La Mutualista, and had live salsa bands on Thursday night, the international salsa dance night. Don't ask me why, but clubs I've been to all around the world, even in Asia, always have live salsa on Thursday nights. The clearly don't expect people to work on Fridays...

Anyhow, the place had a healthy mix of young & old, hot dancers and newbies, locals & ex-pats. I hit it off with one guy in particular, and we danced a lot together. We had great chemistry! Another guy was from Cuba with the band. We also hit it off, but as the night wore on, he was more aggressively "dirty dancing". At one point I glanced at him and his new victim..uh, er partner, and she was cringing as he was rubbing his business all over her ass. Having been there, done that, I was thankful to have stuck with the other dude, who was completely gentlemanly. Of course he kept begging me for my number, but I refused. I was leaving the next day & was just there to dance.

Oh! But before La Mutalista, my aunt & her friend and I went to the Instituto Cultural Cabanas museum. As fate would have it, in the central courtyard was a Tequila tasting festival/trade show. Before we could even get to the murals, the two old maids had drunk 4 shots apiece & downed to mini-margaritas. Needless to say, by the time I scored a guide to review the murals with us, they could barely sit still, and understand his thick accent. My aunt' friend was clearly itching to get back to the booze.

While they trotted off to get hammered, I discovered Orozco's galleries with drawings and prep sketches for his murals and large works. It was stunning. He was an amazing talent, not very well known outside Mexico it seems. I had had a few shots myself before our tour, so was trying to sober up in the galleries. I couldn't get through all of them before they closed, so I wandered back to the Tequila maddened courtyard, where the mariachi was in full swing. This was a less traditional mariachi, in that they did cover songs too, like the Beatles Lady Madonna & stuff. It was interesting.

Truly I wanted to just watch a few Mariachi songs & take off, but the gals were loaded and did everything in their power to get me to drink. It wasn't hard, when all the Tequila was local, fresh, and free. The variety of margaritas was stunning. They used some tropical fruits only found in Mexico that blew my taste buds off the map, like guanabana (do, do, do, do do), and nanche. Another good one was made with green tea, and served like a martini with no ice. (chilled though)

Needless to say, I was pretty ripped by the time I got to La Mutualist, despite eating splendid greasy tacos from across the street. My pal told me about an awesome drink they had there, made with sugar & some kind of crazy fruit. I asked for the first one sans-alcohol. It was so refreshing! The second one came later after being super pooped, and I forgot to tell the bartender no booze. Boy did I regret that the next morning. My friends can attest to my facebook posts upon me return: I was hurting.

But, it was all ok.

In summary, had my mom not been so debilitated physically, we never would have met such lovely local people in our travels. Additionally, the entire spa staff was generous with us, and we met several other cool guests during the activities and meals. Also, her neediness really forced me to relax in between activities or helping her. If it wasn't for Mom, I'd have been climbing, hiking, shopping, sight-seeing, etc, til my feet wore off. Her condition was a blessing in disguise in this way, as it forced all of us to have no agenda. In that way, I really _did_ relax.

So every situation has a silver lining, even with cancer.

Labels: cancer, family, fried foods, Mexico, new friends, salsa dancing, tacos

Breathe.

I'm a 30-something professional woman who's mother & brother were both diagnosed with Grade 3 Astrocytoma tumors within about a week of each other. My mother's tumor is in her brain, and my brother's tumor is in his spinal cord, causing him to lose feeling in his arms & legs. These writings are about my experiences dealing with them, coping, loving them, loving myself, and living my life knowing that they are both dying. I hope you find inspiration and courage from my writings to help you get through whatever is going on in your life.