Unravel Cancer: Experiences with family battling cancer: What matters

07 December 2009

10:47 What matters

Still feeling crusty & tired & low from yesterday's grand situation. (The term "gut-wrenched" has taken on a new meaning. Could have been the spicy sausage I ate...) The reason I'm still giving it more energy, and not moving on is this: family.

Family matters more to me now than it ever has. The biggest struggle since returning from helping my mom, is knowing that I'm living a very boring, stade life with no family in it. I would really like my own family.

Last night my roommate said, "Right person, wrong timing". This is true. Nobody has done anything bad or wrong.

Meeting someone who could potentially be that family person, is what makes this hard. Since my fulfillment in life isn't coming from my career at the moment, regardless of whether I change that or not, it's the comfort of family, having people to care for & rely on you, that seems to matter most to me these days. Somehow, this seems to be the "God-sized whole" in my heart.

So I remind myself to trust. God has something more in store for me. I'm not sure what it is yet. But, at least now it's out for all to see & hear: I want to have a family of my own. Dang it.

Meanwhile, I will try my sponsor's suggestion, and be "family" for my friend who had twin baby girls not to long ago. There's family to be had all around me, if I just keep my eyes & heart open to let it in...

Labels: career, caretake, family, fulfillment, love, satisfaction

Breathe.

I'm a 30-something professional woman who's mother & brother were both diagnosed with Grade 3 Astrocytoma tumors within about a week of each other. My mother's tumor is in her brain, and my brother's tumor is in his spinal cord, causing him to lose feeling in his arms & legs. These writings are about my experiences dealing with them, coping, loving them, loving myself, and living my life knowing that they are both dying. I hope you find inspiration and courage from my writings to help you get through whatever is going on in your life.