Unravel Cancer: Experiences with family battling cancer: Rollercoaster: Sponsor

30 September 2009

00:27 Rollercoaster: Sponsor

Two weekends ago, I went on a really great date with someone. We both had so much fun, that we wanted to see each other again.

Although my sponsor recommended that I don't date til I've completed my 9th step, I wasn't sure I could put this fledgling romance on ice that long, or even if the dude would understand. I left a message telling her about it.

In addition to this, my sponsor and I had planned to meet for the 5th step on Saturday. But, I realized that I had a massage appointment scheduled for the evening before. I asked if we could pick a different venue, or if her schedule was flexible enough to change the day. But, I knew she was busy, and so I told her it's ok if it didn't work out, just to let me know what she could do either way.

Each day, as instructed, I called my sponsor and left a daily check-in message, and at the end, asked her about the Saturday slot and what the options might be.

A few days later, I received a scathing message from my sponsor: she didn't want to work with me anymore. She said I should have changed the massage appointment, and that I wasn't respecting her time, because she's got 10 sponsees, blah de blah. And Another Thing: she already talked to me about the 9th step "no dating" rule, and since I seem to continue to ignore it, she can't work with me.

Hearing this was a blow to the gut. All the air in my lungs left, and I gasped with the receiver to my ear. It was so disheartening. All this, only days after I had finished the 4th step. No congratulations on the 4th step at all. The only acknowledgement of my hard work was very perfunctory. I couldn't believe she would quit on me now, after the huge hurdle I had just overcome.

All afternoon, and most of the evening & next morning were spent stewing on the tragedy, wheels spinning in my head on what a victim I was. Then came the self-flagellation on how selfish and self-absorbed I was. Until finally, the next morning after my morning yoga practice, I got down on my knees and prayed to my Higher Power to help me let go of this sponsor. I accepted that maybe she was not the right sponsor for me, and that my HP would put the right person in my life.

I left a message for her that morning saying I was willing to talk, since she offered to. When she called back, it was late in the workday. But truly, I was too scared to pick up! I didn't feel ready to talk with her face-to-face.

After leaving work, I checked the message on the way to the Boi's office, as he was going to give me a ride home, and we'd maybe go to dinner from there. Much to my complete astonishment, her message was an apology! She apologized for dumping her overwhelm on me, and told me I had done nothing wrong!

In fact her heartfelt sorrow at her actions and her desire to still be my sponsor were so sincere I nearly cried! That motivated me to talk to this Boi at dinner, and get his take on the situation. I didn't think I could post-pone all contact with him, but I did think we could manage to not have a roll in the hay until my 9th step was complete. As to the rest, what my sponsor doesn't know, won't hurt her... ;-)

Sure enough, he agreed. In fact, he was quite sweet and encouraging about it. Even though he doesn't understand the 12 steps, and kind of thinks it's a cult, he could see how important it was to me, and wanted to honor my process.

I couldn't believe it! All these amazing things fell into place within 24 hours. Because I stepped back, prayed, and let HP take care of the results, things that were beyond my wildest dreams occurred.

Now, my sponsor and I have another Sat. date planned with no potential disruptions. I'm still spending lots of time chatting & hugging & smooching the boi, but we keep it light. We're having tons of fun, and are enjoying getting to know one another.

Another rollercoaster happened a few days later about my mom, and the same ideas applied. More on that next time.

Love & gratitude from the Happy Factory!

Labels: 4th step, 5th step, al-anon, al-anon sponsor, apology, prayer

Breathe.

I'm a 30-something professional woman who's mother & brother were both diagnosed with Grade 3 Astrocytoma tumors within about a week of each other. My mother's tumor is in her brain, and my brother's tumor is in his spinal cord, causing him to lose feeling in his arms & legs. These writings are about my experiences dealing with them, coping, loving them, loving myself, and living my life knowing that they are both dying. I hope you find inspiration and courage from my writings to help you get through whatever is going on in your life.