Unravel Cancer: Experiences with family battling cancer: On my way home

26 October 2009

00:29 On my way home

For the second time this year, I arrived back in Oakland from visiting my mom and wanted to cry.

She's really not doing well. Probably she'll never be fully abled again. She's walking much better now, and doesn't need a cane. Her medication to stop the tremors on the right side of her body is really helping a lot.

But, there is much she can't do, like make her bed, clip her fingernails, and sit for any length of time. The sitting part is due to her substantial weight loss. Essentially, her butt fell off. So, now all the chairs feel uncomfortable. It's time to get her a butt pillow, to carry with her everywhere...

It's silly, but also sad. I helped her with a lot of stuff this weekend. We shopped at Kohl's for some much needed "shuffleboard outfits", which she likes to call that casual wear that's one step up from a tracksuit, but still is a matching pant & jacket set.

She hasn't asked me directly to move back to Chicago. She doesn't want me to give up my life or my career for her. But, it's really hard for me to see my oldest brother (not the cancer one) get stressed out at her all the time, for no reason. It's painful to hear that she is left out of their family plans until the last minute. Nobody likes to be ignored.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't take care of her 24/7. She needs a home healthcare person to help with fingernails, and other grooming items. But, now there's a question on whether she can afford it.

I spent a night & a day in downtown Chicago for a conference, before my family visit in the suburbs. Even though the weather was poop, there were so many people in the South Loop! The neighborhood has really changed. I walked up to the Art Institute Friday afternoon, because I heard there was a new modern wing that opened up. It was fabulous! Almost better than the art, the view on the 3rd floor of Millennium park & the skyline behind was stunning. The architects did a great job of allowing that view in. Lots of big windows to gaze out at the fall colors in the park, and the majestic city beyond. All my favorite buildings were still there...

For the first time since I left home, I felt the calling to return home. Even though the Loop is only one small part of Chicago, it reignited a long-dulled flame in my heart for the city. It's why I lived in San Francisco for 12 years. Yet, the cool thing about Chicago, is you can easily find a neighborhood close to the action that's more residential & quiet, with single family homes even. My Aunt & Uncle live in a neighborhood like that. It's quite similar to where I live now in Oakland. I often comment to people how Oakland reminds me so much of Chicago.

Anyway, it just might be that I spend the next year climbing every rock I can find, so that I can get my fill. For when I return to Chicago, there won't be any rocks there.

"How will you get your fix?", you ask. Well, I'll just have to open my own climbing gym... :)

This is all just off-the-cuff emotional unloading since my return. But, still, the desire to be close to my mom, and my nieces is pretty strong. And, I'd really like to have a family of my own. There are just so many more eligible men there, men who know how to ask a woman on a real, actual date.

I saw a young couple in a cafe I had stopped at in the city, on a first date. The young man was so excited to talk to this girl. He was asking her all about herself, and really enjoying the things she said. Say what you want about dudes and their agenda, but he seemed really sweet & tuned into her. It was a lovely site.

Knowing my crazy self, it won't work out like that for me, but at least I'll have a better shot, in a city with cool dudes, like Chicago. All the dudes I met at the small climbing gym in Homewood seemed super down-to-earth, and cool.

So, like many things, we'll see...

PS: Did I mention the fall colors? Oh, man! They were so beautiful. Hearing the leaves crunch under my feet as I walked down the street brought me so much joy! I had forgotten how amazing a Midwestern Autumn is.

Labels: caretake, Chicago, dating, healthcare

Breathe.

I'm a 30-something professional woman who's mother & brother were both diagnosed with Grade 3 Astrocytoma tumors within about a week of each other. My mother's tumor is in her brain, and my brother's tumor is in his spinal cord, causing him to lose feeling in his arms & legs. These writings are about my experiences dealing with them, coping, loving them, loving myself, and living my life knowing that they are both dying. I hope you find inspiration and courage from my writings to help you get through whatever is going on in your life.