Unravel Cancer: Experiences with family battling cancer

26 October 2009

00:29 On my way home

For the second time this year, I arrived back in Oakland from visiting my mom and wanted to cry.

She's really not doing well. Probably she'll never be fully abled again. She's walking much better now, and doesn't need a cane. Her medication to stop the tremors on the right side of her body is really helping a lot.

But, there is much she can't do, like make her bed, clip her fingernails, and sit for any length of time. The sitting part is due to her substantial weight loss. Essentially, her butt fell off. So, now all the chairs feel uncomfortable. It's time to get her a butt pillow, to carry with her everywhere...

It's silly, but also sad. I helped her with a lot of stuff this weekend. We shopped at Kohl's for some much needed "shuffleboard outfits", which she likes to call that casual wear that's one step up from a tracksuit, but still is a matching pant & jacket set.

She hasn't asked me directly to move back to Chicago. She doesn't want me to give up my life or my career for her. But, it's really hard for me to see my oldest brother (not the cancer one) get stressed out at her all the time, for no reason. It's painful to hear that she is left out of their family plans until the last minute. Nobody likes to be ignored.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't take care of her 24/7. She needs a home healthcare person to help with fingernails, and other grooming items. But, now there's a question on whether she can afford it.

I spent a night & a day in downtown Chicago for a conference, before my family visit in the suburbs. Even though the weather was poop, there were so many people in the South Loop! The neighborhood has really changed. I walked up to the Art Institute Friday afternoon, because I heard there was a new modern wing that opened up. It was fabulous! Almost better than the art, the view on the 3rd floor of Millennium park & the skyline behind was stunning. The architects did a great job of allowing that view in. Lots of big windows to gaze out at the fall colors in the park, and the majestic city beyond. All my favorite buildings were still there...

For the first time since I left home, I felt the calling to return home. Even though the Loop is only one small part of Chicago, it reignited a long-dulled flame in my heart for the city. It's why I lived in San Francisco for 12 years. Yet, the cool thing about Chicago, is you can easily find a neighborhood close to the action that's more residential & quiet, with single family homes even. My Aunt & Uncle live in a neighborhood like that. It's quite similar to where I live now in Oakland. I often comment to people how Oakland reminds me so much of Chicago.

Anyway, it just might be that I spend the next year climbing every rock I can find, so that I can get my fill. For when I return to Chicago, there won't be any rocks there.

"How will you get your fix?", you ask. Well, I'll just have to open my own climbing gym... :)

This is all just off-the-cuff emotional unloading since my return. But, still, the desire to be close to my mom, and my nieces is pretty strong. And, I'd really like to have a family of my own. There are just so many more eligible men there, men who know how to ask a woman on a real, actual date.

I saw a young couple in a cafe I had stopped at in the city, on a first date. The young man was so excited to talk to this girl. He was asking her all about herself, and really enjoying the things she said. Say what you want about dudes and their agenda, but he seemed really sweet & tuned into her. It was a lovely site.

Knowing my crazy self, it won't work out like that for me, but at least I'll have a better shot, in a city with cool dudes, like Chicago. All the dudes I met at the small climbing gym in Homewood seemed super down-to-earth, and cool.

So, like many things, we'll see...

PS: Did I mention the fall colors? Oh, man! They were so beautiful. Hearing the leaves crunch under my feet as I walked down the street brought me so much joy! I had forgotten how amazing a Midwestern Autumn is.

Labels: caretake, Chicago, dating, healthcare

Breathe.

08:56 Rollercoaster: Mom

As blogged before, my mom was in the hospital in recent weeks for Parkinsonian-like tremors on the right side of her body. For two weeks, she was in an intensive rehab place, to help her get back to caring for herself. She's had to re-learn how to fold clothes, dress herself, bathe, etc. She's now back at my brother's house.

I can't imagine how demoralizing this might be for her. She's one tough cookie. Two brain tumors in a year and a half, one cancerous, plus the cancer of her son...it's amazing she hasn't gone postal.

So, I want to have compassion and forgiveness for her. But this was quite an emotional rollercoaster...

I called her a few days after she'd been in rehab to check on her. Her voice was slurred and she seemed out of it. She said it was a new drug to stop the shaking. Later on, after she left, she told me of an incident with a really crabby nurse, and other mistakes around drugs, etc. It was frightening, for sure. Those old familiar feelings of helplessness came back, as I trudge through my work-a-day life, thousands of miles away, and unable to help her or do anything for her.

She's now got outpatient rehab 3 times a week at a clinic that is 1 zillion times better than the in-patient place. She's also planning to get a home healthcare person for the days she's not going to rehab, to help her. I don't know all the details, but I think the rehab place would only release her if she had someone to watch her daily. Since my brother & sister-in-law both work, she has to hire someone.

She now sounds a million times better. It turns out the anti-shaking drug was at too high of a dose. Her oncologist discovered the snafu. I'm very lucky that my mom is feisty, and asks a lot of questions. Without her constantly asking for explanations and discussion, she could have been in an over-medicated state for a long time. No matter what people say about proposed healthcare systems, etc., things are really broken; we've got to do something, even if it isn't perfect out of the gate. If we as a nation do nothing, it'll continue to deteriorate. That's my editorialization for the day. :)

Fox knows I have no idea what she's going through, but gosh, it's hard to hear her up & down emotional state about all this. I can't recall hearing her so down the first time we talked while she was in rehab. Her low attitude really scared me, because if she doesn't keep fighting, then she's a goner.

*exhale*

So we carry on. Most of my life has been really great. Even when friends I haven't seen for a while ask me how my mom is doing, I'm able to tell them without being negative, mopey, or teary-eyed.

Lot's of good stuff with the 12-step program - stay tuned for more!

Labels: clinic, healthcare, Parkinson's, rehabilitation, tremors

Breathe.

23:00 Intro

And so it begins...

Today I flew home after four weeks of caring for my mother while she wrapped up chemotherapy and radiation treatment for her grade 3 astrocytoma brain tumor. It's been a scary & difficult time for all of us, and so finally I worked up the courage to write about it.

But, there's more than just my mom, and just a tumor. The last 2 years have shown our family, and me, a succession of tragedies and challenges. Here is the summary chronological breakdown that I emailed to a friend recently:

Jan 08 - my grandma passed away (dad's mom)
Feb 08 - got into a new job at my company, where I still am
Jun 08 week 1 - my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and had
surgery a week later; the tumor was benign
Jun 08 week 3 - my other grandma (mom's mom) passed away
July 08 to Dec 08 - finished my Project Mgm't certificate.
Aug 08 - tried to date a boy, but it ended horribly
Dec 08 - tried to date a boy, but it ended horribly
Mar 09 week 2 - moved to Oakland & rented out my condo
Mar 09 week 4 - my mom has a seizure and gets an MRI
Apr 09 week 1 - my brother complains of a back pain & tingling in his
arms & gets an MRI
Apr 09 week 1 - brother diagnosed with grade 3 cancerous tumor in
spinal cord & scrambles to find a specialist to operate
Apr 09 week 2 - brother has surgery
Apr 09 week 3 - mom diagnosed with grade 3 cancerous brain tumor
Apr 09 week 4 - brother starts chemo & radiation; continuing pain &
loss of mobility in all 4 limbs
May week 4 - mom starts chemo & radiation
June week 2 - my company gets bought by Intel
July week 2 - mom finishes first round of treatment
July week 2 - I drive mom & her car to Chicago to stay with my oldest brother
July week 3 - I finally come home

Sure, it's life. But, jeez! This is an awful lot of "life" for one group of people or one single person (me, let's say) to handle.

There are many other aspects to the unfolding misery, too. I'll create separate posts with various topics as they come to mind, so things are easier to follow.

Things aren't all bad. There are some wonderful things to be grateful for in recent months as well. There are always lessons to be learned in every situation, even if the lesson comes much later. I just hope I can survive to learn it...

Meanwhile, it's been an extremely long day of travel and unpacking, so I shall retire. Hooray for my first post!

LV

Labels: astrocytoma, brain tumor, cancer, cancer treatment, caretake, central nervous system, chemotherapy, health, healthcare, radiation

Breathe.

I'm a 30-something professional woman who's mother & brother were both diagnosed with Grade 3 Astrocytoma tumors within about a week of each other. My mother's tumor is in her brain, and my brother's tumor is in his spinal cord, causing him to lose feeling in his arms & legs. These writings are about my experiences dealing with them, coping, loving them, loving myself, and living my life knowing that they are both dying. I hope you find inspiration and courage from my writings to help you get through whatever is going on in your life.