Unravel Cancer: Experiences with family battling cancer: Today's Climbing

18 October 2009

13:39 Today's Climbing

A strange thing happened at the gym this morning...

I was looking for a climbing partner after bouldering, and a guy in a nice couple said I could join him & his girlfriend. Turns out, I went on a climbing date with him a couple years ago. It didn't work out. He seemed kinda controlling, and really weird when we tried to make another meetup to climb outdoors.

But, he's been dating this nice gal for about a year, and they seem to be happy! He seemed mellow & great, not agro & egotistical like when I met him before.

The girlfriend was nice, and she told me she started climbing because otherwise she would never see her beau. Turns out she had tried it once before, and loved it, but didn't know how to meet others & get better. (Seems like a case of shyness to me, since climbers are generally friendly folk & like to help newbies) Anyway, the dude taught her everything she knew, which an observer could tell, because she climbed all with muscle & not much technique. Doh...

But, this instance reminded me of a convo with some friends of mine in town last Tuesday. When I mentioned I was dating, my pal from CO was aghast (!) that the guy was not a climber. Yup, shocking as it might seem, I'm not dating a climber. He said if he ever wanted to travel on an overseas trip, it would be to climb, so he couldn't share it with his girlfriend if she didn't climb. My other pal said he thought that was ok, because it's good to have a thing you do outside of the relationship. He said it's good for a person to be passionate about something.

Both sides have great points that I agree with. My story is that I tried to date a climber here or there, but it didn't work out. It often was hard to listen to the guy instruct me & school me. If I had learned of something different or wanted to try something new, it became a point of tension. One guy was really patronizing, talking to me like I was 5 years old. :( At the end of the day, the high level of controlling behavior and extreme opinionated-ness, killed the romance.

I've also tried to date non-climbers recently, and that's hard too. My recent boi expressed his observation about my addiction to climbing. He said I was "obsessed". Since all the evidence pointed to that, I had to concede, albeit sheepishly.

What's making it hard, is he is the type of person that demands my full attention all the time. When we are together, it's not satisfying to him if we're in the same room just reading, or doing chores & chatting. He wants me on his lap & riveted on him. While this is really fun, it's also made it hard for me to get all my stuff done.

More on the hardness of relationships in a few.

Meanwhile, I'm not sure what to do. I'm trying to make more time for him, primarily by doing less yoga. That has now come back to haunt me in a right hip pain that won't quit. Not to worry - it's the same one that surfaces when I'm stressed, under slept, too active, and not taking care of myself...

I'm also trying to suggest non-active things to do together, like a play or a show. At the beginning, he suggested lots of stuff too. But, since 12-step meetings & climbing are essential to my mental health, he's backed off.

Now I wonder if we'll survive. I really like this person, and think he's great in so many ways. The more we talk, the more we stay open & strive to get to know one another, the happier I become. I just hope we can find a way to keep spending time with each other, while not having to compromise a core part of the other's life.

So, we carry on. I pray, I ask my Higher Power for help, and to take away the spinning craziness in my mind about this, and just accept whatever is meant to be. It's hard to let go, but that's the only way for _me_ to be at peace, and for our budding romance to have a chance.

Labels: 12 step, dating, fear, relationships, rock climbing, romance

Breathe.

I'm a 30-something professional woman who's mother & brother were both diagnosed with Grade 3 Astrocytoma tumors within about a week of each other. My mother's tumor is in her brain, and my brother's tumor is in his spinal cord, causing him to lose feeling in his arms & legs. These writings are about my experiences dealing with them, coping, loving them, loving myself, and living my life knowing that they are both dying. I hope you find inspiration and courage from my writings to help you get through whatever is going on in your life.